Limbo

This is the main reason for setting up a new blog. To just unload some feels somewhere...
I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this day to come. I just needed it to be over so we could move on.. Yet I feel like I’m in the same place as I was months ago, in limbo not knowing if anything is wrong. Today wasn’t the outcome I hoped, but it’s also not the worst - I guess?

A few months back I noticed a line on my daughters little thumb nail.  It was around the time she'd just started nursery at 10 months old and I assumed she had an accident and trapped it there. I kissed it better and thought it would just go away. Over the weeks it started to turn brown, just like a normal bruise would while healing. So I really thought nothing of it, but a month down the line it still didn’t improve which I found confusing. In fact it's gotten bigger and darker over time.

One evening in bed my partner mentioned he googled it and what came up. I didn't quiet believe him until I googled it myself the next day, immediately booking an appointment with our doctor. He was equally confused how a baby so young could have a line like this, confirmed it wasn't bruising or damage to the nail and referred us to see a dermatologist. 

We were originally told we would be seen within two weeks, but we have a whole month wait.. it’s been horrible. 

The interaction with the doctor was bizarre, I don’t know if that was because she had two student doctors in the room watching, but I felt confused and clueless.

‘Ah yes! This is very rare this! Melanoma of the nail, a mole on the nail. Very rare.’ 

I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. She was very vague and too cheery. Maybe she didn't want us to panic or worry, I don't know..  From what she said is that she thinks it’s a benign mole on the nail itself, not under it and we will need to go for visits every 3 months for the foreseeable future to measure it and take photos, until they are satisfied one way or another.. 

They will not do any other tests yet as they are too invasive and will permanently deform the nail. So now we must wait till next time.. With me obsessively checking it everyday day. I’m going to start taking a photo every week and if it does change, push to be seen again sooner.. To think something like this is even possible on a child so young.. 

So parents, if you see a spot or line that looks unusual and doesn't go away after a week, please don't ignore it and go get it checked out! I’ve now got to try and continue as normal.. We’ll deal with what ever it is when / IF it comes.. Its just not fair and I hate not knowing if its something sinister or not, growing or spreading.